Suddenly life is better.

Over the course of two years, no - the past five years, the world around me seems to have been continuously spiraling down. My Mother is angry a lot and we do not share a relationship like we use to, when I get her alone to speak, we both agree that the reason is my Step Father. He came in to my life right before I was to turn 16 and planned on shaping me into what he wanted me to be, a stereotypical woman (keep your mouth closed, clean and do whatever a man says). Me, on the other hand, hoped to be a Doctor or Lawyer someday and not let anything stand in my way. This caused war in my household and eventually made me move out at the age of 16. Also, I grew up with no Father figure in my life. Gladly enough, I had a boyfriend to live with and accepted the responsibilities of an adult. He helped me through a lot and kept me up when I was sinking into a pit of depression, along with being in school and thriving as I was accepted into a local community college. Now, most of you I know are judging on I living with my boyfriend at such a young age. But take into consideration that I'm only 17 right now and this hasn't been that long ago. I've always been mature, understanding and knowing. Top of all my classes and making parents jealous when I get all the rewards. But I'm full of common sense, too.

Unfortunately, my depression hit me and my boyfriend was unhappy, I guessed. He left me and forced me to move back in with my parents. In the process, I had to drop out of the college and the change in high schools made it to where I received two automatic Fs, affecting my GPA n a horrible way. Did you know that you have to have a 3.5 GPA to get a guaranteed spot in medical school? This leaves me with pressure from a lot of angles. My parents on my ass again, trying to strive in school for amazing grades and last but not least, I found out that my boyfriend had left me to sleep around with one of my best friends. He came back to me crying and because I love him with most of my heart, and believe in second chances, I came back to him. Sadly, I lost a best friend in the process, but after realizing how much she knew I loved and cared for him, and then doing that, I could never be around her again. Oh, I also lost my job in this whole predicament and now am desperately searching for a new one to be able to move back out and live that happy life without parents.

To explain my depression is simple. I lost my Grandmother hardly a year and a half ago, who pretty much raised me and had always been there for me. Whether I needed clothes or just someone to talk to. I can honestly say she was the nicest person to be around and get along with, she made friends where ever she went and was loving to every soul - Even bad ones. I had trouble making friends at my new school, but I only had two classes there, so it was understandable. I lost all my friends and my "cool" state when I first moved. Yes, I was the cool kid. The person everyone came to with problems, or needing help, invited to all the events and so forth. I lost my Mother. Something horrible happened when I was 11. I've been used, cheated on, abused (more mentally) and lied to. Money was becoming less.

This time around, I sit and think about all the positive things in my life. Sure, I don't have a job. Sure, my car is ready to break down, my parents are both unemployed and don't give a rat's ass, my grandpa is threatening to take things he's given me and putting money over my head, both me and my boyfriend's families are falling apart. And sure, my boyfriend has been utterly sick a few times. I forgot to mention that I saved his life this last June. Maybe it gives us a stronger connection, but I have never left his side in the Hospital unless they kicked me out. I'm overweight, but beautiful. I love the people I keep close to my hearts, the few that there are. I get high on sex, love and drugs. I love escaping with alcohol. But I enjoy being sober most of all and seeing everything with clear eyes. Sometimes my heart hurts, but I smile when I see my boyfriend, a shelter over my head, the little money we have, my cellphone, my computer, my physical and mental abilities (not challenged in any way), and being able to share myself with someone. Life is never horrible. It can be worse. Yes, you can be sad, but it's still good. Things happen that are bad, but so do good things. :)